Portuguese Dirty Bathroom Floors

As I sat in the bathroom stall with unbearable pain stabbing at my stomach, I knew that I was about to be extremely ill. We had literally just sat down at a table outside of the nice French Restaurant in Sintra, Portugal and were looking over the menu when I suddenly was overcome by “that” feeling of oncoming sickness. You all know the one – the oh-so-lovely  “number 2” kind. I bolted for the restroom, and there I sat on the toilet with my head in my hands to try and stop my head from spinning. Sweat was pouring down my face and neck making me even more uncomfortable. I had my coat on and another two layers underneath it since it had gotten chilly as the sun went down, and those layers were all just sealing in all the juices.

I badly wanted to take off my coat to help relieve me from some of the heat, but I didn’t want it to come into contact with the dirty floor in the bathroom. Granted, it was a nicer restaurant, so it was cleaner than most places but it was still a public bathroom in the middle of Portugal. I was determined to release these demons, and be on my merry way. Unfortunately for me, my body had other plans. All I’m gonna say is  it was a good thing that no one else was in the bathroom because once the floodgates opened, it was ghastly. Had it not been me, I would have been laughing, because it sounded like a professional sound board of flatulence and diarrheal explosions used in a movie. It was really bad. So bad in fact, that I  started to get really dizzy and quickly recognized that I was going to pass out. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and even though I could barely see what I was typing I managed to text my sister:

“Help”

Finally succumbing to the fact that I was indeed fainting, I figured it would be better to lay down myself than fall down. Feeling so awful to the point that I just didn’t care anymore about the aforementioned dirty floor, I plunged from the toilet head first. I did however, manage to place my hat on the floor so my face was not in direct contact. It was there, in all my post-diarrhea glory with my pants still down, that I finally blacked out.

Within moments my sister dramatically flung the door of the bathroom open, (I imagine her kicking it open with her fists in the air). She told me later she thought my text message meant I was being kidnapped, (I mean, obviously if I was being abducted I would be able to text), and she was fully prepared to fight off whoever it was. I was brought back to consciousness by her pounding on the bathroom stall door. I was able to lift my arm and unlock it, and she knelt down by me to assess the situation.

After telling her what happened she ran to fetch Jess. When the two of them returned, he knelt by my side and the first sweet thing that came out of his mouth was:

“Why are you so sweaty?!”

Had I not been incapacitated I would have busted up laughing. This whole situation was crappy – pun intended – but it was hilarious. The bathroom smelt horrendous from the ungodly things that had just come out of me. I was aware I was extremely sweaty – I had a river flowing from my neck to my backside- but I can only imagine what I looked like to everyone else. I was not only riding on the hot mess express, I was the conductor. Toot toot!

Along with Aly and Jess came a waitress, who was super freaked out and wanted to call an ambulance. I was mortified. First of all, my pants were STILL down around my ankles so, first order of business was to get those suckers back up. I was so glad they would come back up! You know after you go swimming and if your legs are a little wet it’s impossible to get clothes on? It was kind of like that. Secondly, I would be damned if I had to get in an ambulance because of a little diarrhea! What would they have done anyway, wipe my butt and give me some tums? Nope. That absolutely was not happening.

After drinking some water and sitting up for a few minutes – still on the bathroom floor mind you – I assured the waitress that I would be alright, and we headed back to our Airbnb which was thankfully about five minutes away. Once there, I stripped all my clothes off and put them in a plastic bag to be washed at our next stop, showered and went straight to bed. I was so relieved to be laying on a soft bed and not a dirty bathroom floor.

What would a European vacation be without an epic diarrhea story, right? Well, I would prefer it not to be me who was sick, but I took one for the team. My husband Jess, sister Aly, and myself traveled to Spain and Portugal for two weeks this past October. It was a dream trip that we planned for about a year, and even as we got on the plane to leave it didn’t seem real. The thing about traveling, especially with long trips like this one, is that nothing will ever quite go as planned. That’s just a given!  The mishaps and adventures along the way are what make a trip so memorable. Kind of like the hilarious example below where Jess and i could not nail this jumping photo!

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Besides this little diarrhea debacle, our trip was amazing, and I cannot wait to post more about it! I took SO many photos so get ready!

 

XoXo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette

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Mediocre Momness

Rawbrunettemediocremom

Back to school! It’s such a joyous time for Moms and Dads across the country. I remember when I was little Staples came out with a commercial that was forever my Mom’s favorite. It had the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” playing and the Mom was riding on top of the shopping cart sailing down the aisles just celebrating whilst filling said cart with back to school supplies. Her children were walking slowly behind her looking very unhappy. I totally get now why that was one of my Mom’s favorite commercials. Don’t get me wrong I love summer. However, once August rolls around, I am ready for structure and schedules again because the kids are getting restless and unruly. I also love the time I have to get things done while the kids are at school. This year, Memphis is the only one home with me since Shay is in first grade and it’s her first year going to all day school. I am loving the one-on-one time I am getting with him.

There is one thing that without fail always happens though once school rolls around again. I call it the back to school blues. It has absolutely nothing to do with my kids, and everything to do with me.

Forever Trying

One thing I will never be is the perfect mom, but I am no quitter. I try my hardest to make my kids lives fun and structured and healthy, but like I said, I’m not perfect. Despite me trying so hard to not worry about being perfect, there are moms everywhere who constantly make me feel guilty about it. It’s basically impossible to not compare myself to other moms. They seem to be everywhere – the Pinterest moms. I call them that because they seem like those picture perfect moms that are all over Pinterest. They cook extravagant meals, look like a movie star at 7 am with full make up on and dressed to the nines, they never yell at their kids, they are always doing fun activities, and their houses are always spotless. They’re basically like stepford wives.

Then there’s me. I always hit snooze on my alarm in the morning. I’m constantly in a state of tiredness. I should go to bed earlier, but I revel in my alone time at night once the kids are in bed that I end up staying up WAY too late binge watching on Netflix and Hulu. I’m also perpetually late to everything school related. It’s a skill. No matter how far in advance I plan, I almost never get a seat in the auditorium and am forced to stand while my toddler throws a fit and I’m so sweaty by the end of the concert or assembly that it seems like so much work to have even made the effort. Which speaking of sweaty, I’m usually in my workout clothes and unshowered. I mean, if I’m given the choice of working out or showering I pick the workout out every time. Cleanliness is overrated right? That’s what I keep telling myself. I almost never get a chance to shower. So yes, I may show up to the school functions smelling like B.O. with four days worth of  unshowered hair that’s 95% dry shampoo, and three-day old makeup making me look like a sick raccoon. But at least I made the effort to go right?

Now I am in no way saying that these Pinterest perfect moms are bad. I actually WISH I could be more like them! But try as I might I just keep falling very very short. It’s actually quite exhausting trying to keep up with them.

A Not so Subtle Revelation

Last night (Sunday), it was time for bed. As per usual, my kids rioted. It’s like they think that school was only for one week, and then that was it. So the fact that they had to go to bed early on a Sunday night was appalling. The usual way my oldest son acts out now is to say terrible things to me. He kept telling me over and over last night as we got ready for bed that I was a “bad” mom. I was also called “unfair”, “not cool”, “the meanest”, and “the dumbest” during his rant. I’m used to it now, so it didn’t faze me and yes, he still went to bed. There’s one thing this mom doesn’t cave on, and it’s bedtime. It’s a sacred time for me when the kids are all in their beds and I can just sit down and relax.

Once the kids were finally all in their beds I flopped down on my couch to queue up Netflix. I felt a little deflated from the battle that just went on upstairs, and I reflected on the things my son had said to me just moments before. The old me would have been really sad that he had said those things to me; I might have cried and had my feelings hurt by it. But not this time.

“I’m not a bad mom, I’m not even a terrible mom,” I said to myself, “I’m a GREAT mom!”

I felt rejuvenated. This realization gave me a new sense of self. I AM a great mom. My kids have great lives. They have a home, food, clothes, and toys. Most of all they are LOVED and KNOW it. I mean, I do some pretty cool stuff too like take my kids on fun adventures, read books to them in different voices, randomly break into song, have dance parties, and can tell every fart or poop joke in the book. But there is no denying I am a screw-up. But I am also a pretty awesome mom because I am such a loveable screw-up. I mean, my kids should be thanking me for being so relatable and down to earth.

Sorry Not Sorry

I quickly realized once my oldest son was in kindergarten, that I would not be able to make it to every event at the school. He was upset I couldn’t volunteer in his class, or come to all their class parties. It killed me, but having two other small kids at home and a husband with crazy hours meant I was not going to be able to. I stressed out about it for a few days, and was wondering if I was going to “break” my child by seeming to be unsupportive, but I soon realized that was ridiculous.

So, here is a list I’ve compiled for all you other moms out there who struggle like me feeling like such an imperfect mom. This particular list is things that do NOT make you a bad mom:

  • Not attending all events at school. (yes, they’re cute, but do we REALLY need a celebratory concert for America in the middle of February?!)
  • Not getting up and making a gourmet breakfast. Sorry kids, mommy is not and never will be a morning person. Sometimes I sleep right through my alarm. Eggo waffles are perfectly acceptable on such mornings.
  • Showing up to school looking like the conductor of the hot mess express. Yep, I have done this too many times to count! Just last week on the first day of school I slept through my alarm and ended up driving Calvin and Shay while wearing NO shoes and a grubby t-shirt and sweats I threw on. I fully embrace the hot mess that I am 80% of the time, but I do clean up pretty nicely too!
  • Not making healthy gourmet dinners every night. So to start off, I have picky eaters, and it’s hard! Even if i made the effort to cook a super healthy meal, no one would eat it. So yes, sometimes I do cook them and force them to eat it and they all usually cry. But most of the time, I give in and let them choose one thing they want to eat, (like mac n cheese), as long as they will eat one vegetable or a salad with it. My kids also take vitamins everyday, and are very active. So, I feel like as long as we can find a happy medium that they will be okay.
  • Not being their friend. Sometimes, this is such a hard one. But kids need to be loved and part of it is discipline. I refuse to let my kids grow up to be terrible adults, so discipline is necessary so they know what they can and cannot do.
  • Not having a clean house. Yeah, this one I am guilty of hardcore. Currently the laundry pile in my bedroom that needs to be put away is as tall as my bed, and I keep expecting it to grow legs and walk away. The table I am currently working at on my laptop in my kitchen is covered in crumbs and various toys that have accumulated over the weekend that I still haven’t cleaned off. But the toilets are clean! That in my book is a win.

I could go on and on with this list. Just know that you do NOT need to be a perfect stepford wives mom to be a GOOD mom. If you are that way, then good for you! You’re a good mom too and we applaud you! But for the rest of moms out there like me who struggle daily, just remember that perfect isn’t possible.

No, I’m by no means a perfect mom. I am, however, the perfectly unperfect mom for my kids. I try my very best and I think that’s what any of us can do. So if that makes me a mediocre mom, and not the Pinterest mom, so be it. I am happy with my mediocre momness.

 

Xoxo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette

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Table Rock | Boise, Idaho

Perhaps one of the most iconic spots in the Boise area is that of Table Rock. It’s easy to see why once you’re standing at the top with a beautiful panoramic view of Treasure Valley,  as well as the Owyhee Mountain range. The 60 foot high white cross that adorns the summit of the butte is equally loved and hated by native Boiseans. The area itself is sacred ground of the Northern Shoshone tribe, who apparently used the butte and surrounding caves for ceremonial purposes. Apparently, it’s a sore spot why nothing is there to preserve or respect the Shoshone tribe, and instead the white cross stands tall.  IMG_4693IMG_4697IMG_4694

The cross actually stands on private land, owned by the Junior Chamber of Commerce, (Jaycees), who purchased the land in a very shady auction which the general public was not even made aware of. So, the cross itself has a pretty turbulent and controversial history. BUT, controversy aside, it still is extremely cool to hike to the top and explore the surrounding caves. It’s become quite the graffiti mecca, and there is always new artwork to admire.

You can either start from the bottom where the trail starts by the old Idaho State Penitentiary, (which is also highly recommended to go and see!) The littles and I started at the bottom of the trail, but only made it about half a mile and had to turn back. It didn’t help that it was 96 degrees out when we started. So, we got back in the car and decided to drive to the top of the bluff instead. It ended up working out much better for us, and we were able to explore all the little caves and crevices.

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clearly, they were thrilled to hike up. You can see the cross that’s blurry in the top right corner. We had a ways to go.

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Even the artwork on the electrical buildings on the hike up from the parking lot are impressive! The details on them are phenomenal.

Once we sat on the summit for a few minutes and took in the gorgeous panoramic views, we hiked down to the caves right below that encircle the entire bluff. Memphis is really into Batman right now, so he kept exclaiming “I found a Batman cave Momma!” Too cute.

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Table Rock is a must see on my list of things to do in Boise! If you’re in the area, definitely go! Me and my littles had a great time exploring it and maybe one day we can go back and actually hike up to the top instead of drive.

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XoXo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette

Wahclella Falls and the Fish Hatchery at Bonneville Dam in Oregon

What a weekend! We drove up to Portland to visit my family and we definitely packed as much as we could in the 4 days we had up there. I wish we could have stayed longer, but it’s just a good reason to go back! We took two days to explore the breathtaking Columbia Gorge. There’s so many hikes and waterfalls- it would literally take a week maybe two to see it all! Because we have littles and little legs we needed to pick holes that were kid friendly.

The first day we went to the gorge, we hiked Wahclella Falls. It was not a flat or easy hike, and Memphis protested and demanded to be held several times, but we survived. Us out of towners were pretty cold at first and all had our layers on, but by the time we reached the falls I was sweating! The weather here is so unpredictable but we got really lucky and it ended up being sunny and pretty warm.

 

 

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The hike itself was gorgeous. I still cannot get over the moss covered trees! My kids called them “fuzzy trees”. My stepdad Rick was a fountain of knowledge pointing out every plant we passed and telling us what it was stinging nettle, and Poison Oak which thankfully no one walked through or touched! We even picked some delicious wild raspberries along the trail, but also saw salmon berries,Oregon Grapes, and huckleberries! We saw a few garter snakes and Rick picked it up while the littles squealed with delight.

The Falls were quite impressive. The greenery surrounding Wahclella makes it seem like you should be in Ireland instead of Oregon. It was quite magical really. We made our way to the water which was too cold to swim in, but the littles had a good time throwing rocks in the water for a long time. Okay, the adults threw some rocks too! The kids explored a cool dripping cave, and then we headed back down the trail to the cars.

That same day, we visited the Fish Hatchery which is across the road from the Wahclella Trailhead at the Bonneville Dam.

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We saw lots of fish, and even Bigfoot! It was worth driving over to see the hatchery.I had never been to one before, so it was very interesting to walk by all the huge tanks holding the baby fish in them. Tons of tiny fish were leaping out of the water which the kids enjoyed watching. We moved on to the Rainbow Trout which were so vividly colored, and the kids liked throwing in fish food and watching a giant writhing pile of rainbow fish fight over it.

From there, we moved to the sturgeon viewing areas. Man, were these prehistoric fish impressive! They even had a viewing window under their pond so you could watch them swimming underwater. The largest one they had must have been at least 10-15 feet long! Memphis loved looking at their eyes, and Calvin loved to point at the pieces of dead fish along the bottom of their tank. Shay just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that they are as old as dinosaurs.

Once we were done watching them, we drove up to the actual dam. Inside, we took the elevator down so we were underneath it, and they had these viewing windows where you could watch the fish swimming up the ladder from under the water. We maybe saw one fish from under there, but were much more interested in the alien-like Lamprey which were suctioned to the windows! Their alarmingly sharp little teeth made it look like a horror film! Honestly, I could have watched them all day. I never knew that they are basically leeches and suck the fluids out of the fish they attach to! Calvin started talking to a group of people and told them that “They are basically related to Dracula!” which made us all laugh! He’s such a good tour guide!

We walked outside to watch the fish leap up the ladder from the top of the water. Sadly, we saw plenty of fish but none of them were jumping so we didn’t stay long. We got a good view of the dam from up there, and then called it a day.

It was such a jam-packed day of fun and we really lucked out with the weather being so nice and sunny! I snapped this photo of Memphis when we pulled into my birth mom Sherri’s house.

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You know it was a good day when he’s asleep in the car (which he never does anymore) AND covered in dirt!

XoXo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette