Why Sometimes It’s Okay to Not Like Your Kids

Whoahh okay, before you all jump down my throat about the title let me be clear about something: I DO NOT hate my children. Far from it! I LOVE them more than I could describe in words. Any mom would agree with me that the love for our children is unmatched. BUT, sometimes those precious little humans we birthed can be little you-know-whats, (starts with an “s” to clue you in a little). Also, every mom on the planet can agree with me on that one!

The thing is, kids have no filter whatsoever, and can be so cruel without even trying. So, most of the time when they want to say something it just comes out with little to no thought behind it. Like my four-year-old son who, no matter where we are, will declare for whoever is within earshot that he’s farted. Or my eight-year-old daughter who when she saw my newly chopped hair immediately said “I HATE it Mom.” Sure makes a girl feel good about herself am I right?

When I was a new mom I remember holding my son and trying to imagine ever putting him in time-out or actually yelling at him. Oh boy was I naive! Of course when they’re tiny and can’t really talk yet it’s impossible to see what little monsters they can become as a toddler. Yes, the terrible 2’s are real my friend. As are the terrible 3’s, 4’s, 5’s, and so on. Every age has begun a new phase of parenting, and they’ve all had positives and negatives to them.

No matter what stage of parenthood you’re in though, it’s all just plain hard. Being a parent is THE hardest job in the world, but on the flip side also the most rewarding. When my husband Jess and I decided we were ready to start a family we had no clue how hard it really would be, I mean no one does, but we knew we were ready to try our best and to do it together.

Today was just a hard day for me as a mom. It happens to everyone. It got so spectacularly emotional for me that I needed to leave the house tonight by myself and just have some alone time. I went and sat by my mom’s graveside and had myself a good ugly cry. My husband gracefully finished dinner with the kids, cleaned up, and they all were ready with hugs and “sorry’s” when I came back. What happened you ask?

Well, first off, I was exhausted from a terrible night of sleep. The aforementioned flatulent four-year-old has a terrible habit of coming into our bed at night that we just cannot break. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he HAS to be on top of me, usually on my face. I have nicknamed him the “face hugger” which is a nod to the movie ‘Alien’ for those of you who don’t get the reference. So, starting off my Monday tired was not good.

We also are currently packing for our move to Nashville which has been no small feat. I am already stressed up to my eyeballs about that, and our house looks like a literal bomb went off because of it. Clutter and disorder in my living space really throws me off mentally too, so add that to the list. Also, my husband is leaving for Nashville this Friday with our first moving truck. He will be gone for several weeks and when he’s gone I tend to be extra emotional and vulnerable.

Then, when the big kids got home from school the mom-shaming began. And no, it’s not the same as mom-to-mom shaming. This is straight from the mouths of the babes you gave birth to telling you how crappy of a job you’re doing. Oh, they’re so sweet when they can’t talk yet, but once they can form sentences they also form little opinions, grudges, picket lines, committees, and okay I’m exaggerating juuuuust a bit. Once they can, your kids will judge you for everything! Your clothes, hair, makeup, how you drive, what you watch, your music, your cooking, how you talk, I mean this list is endless. Basically nothing is safe from them, and you are forced to take a good, hard look at yourself from the perspective of a ruthless child.

So, I actually got dressed today! Woo! What’s the big deal, right? Well, on a normal day I usually am never in anything but workout clothes or comfy T-shirt’s and sweats at home. But today, despite being tired I actually got up and went to the gym in the morning! I usually do go, but never until the afternoon because I’m too tired and unmotivated. So, since I was done early I went home and showered and got dressed in a decent shirt and jeans. My oldest son, when he saw me said:

“Where are you going?”

To which I replied:

“Nowhere, why?”

To which he replied:

“Oh, you are just usually never dressed up.”

Dressed up?! You’re joking, right? This ain’t dressed up honey, but this momma is allowed to actually put some effort into herself even if she isn’t going to go anywhere!

Granted, my son didn’t mean for his words to shame me, but I really was offended by it! So silly right? But it’s not! We as moms should not feel like just because we may spend a majority of our time at home, that we have to dress accordingly. There really is no “mom uniform”! Yes, most days gym clothes are what’s best for me, and that is GREAT. But today I felt like putting on makeup and doing my hair on a weekday and that’s okay too!

From there, it all just went downhill.The two oldest could not agree on anything it seemed. A game they were playing ended in tears because one wasn’t “playing fair”. Then building of forts turned into a battle of who was getting the most blankets which also ended in tears.

I was making spaghetti for dinner which should be easy right? WRONG. One kid doesn’t like spaghetti but she loves sauce, another one loves the noodles but no sauce, and the third? Well, he ate everything without complaint (bless him!). But the two who were complaining just wouldn’t let it go. So as I’m making a meal all I’m hearing is whining whining and more whining. THEN the same two children started fighting in the other room as I’m cooking. I listened for a few moments hoping they would work it out, but is soon escalated to hitting and crying so I intervened. I sent them both to their respective rooms and maybe raised my voice a little more than was necessary. My oldest son on his way out stopped, looked me in the eyes and said:

“I always knew you hated me.”

Whoah. Okay first of all, not even a little true! But no, you know what, it’s a little true right now. I love you so much son, but right now I don’t really like you and how you’re choosing to act…… is what I SHOULD have said to him. Instead, I stayed silent and kept making dinner, praying for bedtime to come quickly.

Dinner was no better with the bad behavior. By the end of it, I slammed my plates in the sink, grabbed my car keys and purse and headed for the garage. My husband knew what was happening and told me he would handle it.

My kids love me, but sometimes they have a crappy way of showing it! Kids tend to not realize how hurtful they are, until it’s too late. But that’s what we need to make sure to teach them so they are aware of what’s okay and not okay to say and do.

Sometimes I feel so beat up as a mom like I’m some sort of mommy punching bag. That’s where I was last night. When these times come and I feel myself spiraling down it’s okay to step back and take a few moments for myself. We mom’s are doing the hardest job in the world: raising little humans to be loving and good adults! It’s not an easy business and sometimes I just DO NOT like my clients, and you know what, it’s okay!

XoXo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette

New Year, Who Dis?

Okay, so it’s now March, but this is my first post in the new year so bear with me. I’m not gonna lie, 2019 so far has not been my favorite. Our family has been perpetually sick since the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve. We have had stomach bugs, diarrhea, pink eye, Influenza, sinus infections, Croup, ear infections, and chest colds!

Sounds like a party am I right? 2019’s really not winning me over.

On top of the revolving door of sickness, this new year has presented a lot of changes for our family. All of them are good ones, but involve a lot of time and work. To be honest, I haven’t even felt like writing, like AT ALL. So, that’s why there has been a pretty big gap between my last post until now. Life has just felt a bit overwhelming because of all that’s been going on, so writing wasn’t really a priority to me. But now that I’m sitting down and putting these feelings into words I can tell you that I have missed it! I’m going to make sure I start writing more often again. So here is an update on all that has been going on:

First, Jess and I have been working our butts off fixing up the first home we owned, (which we have been renting out),and with the aforementioned sicknesses we have all been having this has been a HARD. Jess and I would often have to split up, and one stay home with the sickies, while the other went to go put a few hours in, and then we would switch. It was a long few months but I am happy to announce we officially listed it yesterday! I am so relieved it’s done because even though it didn’t initially seem like a lot of work, it WAS! We would think it would be done, and then another little project would appear. I’m a little sad to see this home go. We have so many memories attached to it, and being inside it so much recently made me nostalgic. But, we moved on to bigger and better!

The second big announcement is that I have chosen to go back to school! I got my Associate’s degree in 2010, and would like to now get my Bachelor’s degree. I have chosen to go into Social Work, with an emphasis on Human Rights. My dream is to work for the UN, but I know I need to start small and work my way up. I was so inspired by my trip to Rwanda and I have a very strong desire to help people. I would love to work abroad, but can do plenty of amazing things locally as well. So, for this momma, school is gonna be back in session! I’m a little nervous to be going back to school in my mid-thirties but I know I’ve got this!

The third announcement is that we are moving out of Utah to Tennessee!

*gasp!*

I know, guys, this is huge news! I will do an entire post about our move soon, but for now all I can really say is that Jess and I have felt for a while now that we needed to get out of Utah and let our kids experience other parts of the country, and the world for that matter! But, we aren’t made of money so picking up and moving to say Switzerland isn’t exactly realistic. A girl can dream though! So Tennessee it is!

The hardest part, is that we will be far from family. It has been such a blessing to be close to everyone, but for now our own little family needs this adventure. Jess and I have discussed it, prayed about it, and slept on it, and we know it’s the right decision. My twin sister Aly has no choice though, and is coming with us whether she wants to or not!

So, with a move looming over us (like in four months!) across the country, the packing up of our home has got to happen, and fast! Now that our other home is done being fixed up, I can concentrate solely on packing up our belongings and figuring out what’s not going with us. Marie Kondo could not have come on Netflix at a better time! I am gonna have one heck of an amazing garage sale in a few months, so keep your eyes peeled local Utahns!

So, there you have it. That’s pretty much what’s been going on with us lately. Life has been very busy, and doesn’t have any indication of slowing down. But here’s hoping that the sicknesses at least can be done in our family so we don’t end up having 2019 being the year of illnesses!

XoXo,

Heather

The Raw Brunette