Back to school! It’s such a joyous time for Moms and Dads across the country. I remember when I was little Staples came out with a commercial that was forever my Mom’s favorite. It had the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” playing and the Mom was riding on top of the shopping cart sailing down the aisles just celebrating whilst filling said cart with back to school supplies. Her children were walking slowly behind her looking very unhappy. I totally get now why that was one of my Mom’s favorite commercials. Don’t get me wrong I love summer. However, once August rolls around, I am ready for structure and schedules again because the kids are getting restless and unruly. I also love the time I have to get things done while the kids are at school. This year, Memphis is the only one home with me since Shay is in first grade and it’s her first year going to all day school. I am loving the one-on-one time I am getting with him.
There is one thing that without fail always happens though once school rolls around again. I call it the back to school blues. It has absolutely nothing to do with my kids, and everything to do with me.
One thing I will never be is the perfect mom, but I am no quitter. I try my hardest to make my kids lives fun and structured and healthy, but like I said, I’m not perfect. Despite me trying so hard to not worry about being perfect, there are moms everywhere who constantly make me feel guilty about it. It’s basically impossible to not compare myself to other moms. They seem to be everywhere – the Pinterest moms. I call them that because they seem like those picture perfect moms that are all over Pinterest. They cook extravagant meals, look like a movie star at 7 am with full make up on and dressed to the nines, they never yell at their kids, they are always doing fun activities, and their houses are always spotless. They’re basically like stepford wives.
Then there’s me. I always hit snooze on my alarm in the morning. I’m constantly in a state of tiredness. I should go to bed earlier, but I revel in my alone time at night once the kids are in bed that I end up staying up WAY too late binge watching on Netflix and Hulu. I’m also perpetually late to everything school related. It’s a skill. No matter how far in advance I plan, I almost never get a seat in the auditorium and am forced to stand while my toddler throws a fit and I’m so sweaty by the end of the concert or assembly that it seems like so much work to have even made the effort. Which speaking of sweaty, I’m usually in my workout clothes and unshowered. I mean, if I’m given the choice of working out or showering I pick the workout out every time. Cleanliness is overrated right? That’s what I keep telling myself. I almost never get a chance to shower. So yes, I may show up to the school functions smelling like B.O. with four days worth of unshowered hair that’s 95% dry shampoo, and three-day old makeup making me look like a sick raccoon. But at least I made the effort to go right?
Now I am in no way saying that these Pinterest perfect moms are bad. I actually WISH I could be more like them! But try as I might I just keep falling very very short. It’s actually quite exhausting trying to keep up with them.
A Not so Subtle Revelation
Last night (Sunday), it was time for bed. As per usual, my kids rioted. It’s like they think that school was only for one week, and then that was it. So the fact that they had to go to bed early on a Sunday night was appalling. The usual way my oldest son acts out now is to say terrible things to me. He kept telling me over and over last night as we got ready for bed that I was a “bad” mom. I was also called “unfair”, “not cool”, “the meanest”, and “the dumbest” during his rant. I’m used to it now, so it didn’t faze me and yes, he still went to bed. There’s one thing this mom doesn’t cave on, and it’s bedtime. It’s a sacred time for me when the kids are all in their beds and I can just sit down and relax.
Once the kids were finally all in their beds I flopped down on my couch to queue up Netflix. I felt a little deflated from the battle that just went on upstairs, and I reflected on the things my son had said to me just moments before. The old me would have been really sad that he had said those things to me; I might have cried and had my feelings hurt by it. But not this time.
“I’m not a bad mom, I’m not even a terrible mom,” I said to myself, “I’m a GREAT mom!”
I felt rejuvenated. This realization gave me a new sense of self. I AM a great mom. My kids have great lives. They have a home, food, clothes, and toys. Most of all they are LOVED and KNOW it. I mean, I do some pretty cool stuff too like take my kids on fun adventures, read books to them in different voices, randomly break into song, have dance parties, and can tell every fart or poop joke in the book. But there is no denying I am a screw-up. But I am also a pretty awesome mom because I am such a loveable screw-up. I mean, my kids should be thanking me for being so relatable and down to earth.
Sorry Not Sorry
I quickly realized once my oldest son was in kindergarten, that I would not be able to make it to every event at the school. He was upset I couldn’t volunteer in his class, or come to all their class parties. It killed me, but having two other small kids at home and a husband with crazy hours meant I was not going to be able to. I stressed out about it for a few days, and was wondering if I was going to “break” my child by seeming to be unsupportive, but I soon realized that was ridiculous.
So, here is a list I’ve compiled for all you other moms out there who struggle like me feeling like such an imperfect mom. This particular list is things that do NOT make you a bad mom:
- Not attending all events at school. (yes, they’re cute, but do we REALLY need a celebratory concert for America in the middle of February?!)
- Not getting up and making a gourmet breakfast. Sorry kids, mommy is not and never will be a morning person. Sometimes I sleep right through my alarm. Eggo waffles are perfectly acceptable on such mornings.
- Showing up to school looking like the conductor of the hot mess express. Yep, I have done this too many times to count! Just last week on the first day of school I slept through my alarm and ended up driving Calvin and Shay while wearing NO shoes and a grubby t-shirt and sweats I threw on. I fully embrace the hot mess that I am 80% of the time, but I do clean up pretty nicely too!
- Not making healthy gourmet dinners every night. So to start off, I have picky eaters, and it’s hard! Even if i made the effort to cook a super healthy meal, no one would eat it. So yes, sometimes I do cook them and force them to eat it and they all usually cry. But most of the time, I give in and let them choose one thing they want to eat, (like mac n cheese), as long as they will eat one vegetable or a salad with it. My kids also take vitamins everyday, and are very active. So, I feel like as long as we can find a happy medium that they will be okay.
- Not being their friend. Sometimes, this is such a hard one. But kids need to be loved and part of it is discipline. I refuse to let my kids grow up to be terrible adults, so discipline is necessary so they know what they can and cannot do.
- Not having a clean house. Yeah, this one I am guilty of hardcore. Currently the laundry pile in my bedroom that needs to be put away is as tall as my bed, and I keep expecting it to grow legs and walk away. The table I am currently working at on my laptop in my kitchen is covered in crumbs and various toys that have accumulated over the weekend that I still haven’t cleaned off. But the toilets are clean! That in my book is a win.
I could go on and on with this list. Just know that you do NOT need to be a perfect stepford wives mom to be a GOOD mom. If you are that way, then good for you! You’re a good mom too and we applaud you! But for the rest of moms out there like me who struggle daily, just remember that perfect isn’t possible.
No, I’m by no means a perfect mom. I am, however, the perfectly unperfect mom for my kids. I try my very best and I think that’s what any of us can do. So if that makes me a mediocre mom, and not the Pinterest mom, so be it. I am happy with my mediocre momness.
The Raw Brunette